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The Beatles' Sues

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It lives... kind of. [Jun. 1st, 2005|09:09 pm]
The Beatles' Sues
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... at least the other three Beatles aren't vampire slayers. [May. 14th, 2004|02:44 pm]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |mr. tamborine man - bob dylan]

Sometimes I really hate the Beatles-fiction world; this is one of those times. Yet, for some reason I’m not surprised. I mean, every damn fandom has some wacko that writes the characters out as vampires for no reason whatsoever, right? Right?!

This story is bad, folks. It’s like watching that one Mexican soap opera about vampires (wait, that show’s kind of cool), and in it one of the vampire/witch chicks is reading aloud a cheesy supermarket romance novel. That bad.

The Story: Cochineal
The Author Culprit: Molly from Mars
Full Name (plus titles if any): Count George Harrison
Hair Color (include adjectives): “The soft, dark hair which fell over his face in great abundance was long and lucious. It shone magnificently in the palest moonlight, and had the most divine feel of satin against the skin”
Eye Color (include adjectives): “The first thing you noticed about him were his dark eyes. No matter how he looked at you, the stare was so intense as to render you helpless. That was how the seductive charm of the vampire had manifested itself in him. Once you truly gazed into them you became absorbed by their rich mahogany colour, taking you deeper and deeper into them until you swooned with pleasure and became carried away into heavenly thoughts where only he existed.”
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None. He’s absolutely perfect. Apparently. But if you ask me, I’m going to say he’s pale and skinny… uhhh… yeah. And a vampire George Harrison is pretty unusual…
Special Possessions (if any): A cape, a coffin, uhhh…. Bats. Whatever else vampires have.

Annoying Origin: The mind of a teenaged Beatle-author who has watch the various remakes of Dracula too many times.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: It’s George Harrison… but a vampire!!!!11!
Annoying Special Abilities: He’s a vampire.
Other Annoying Traits:His body was tall and strong, yet painfully thin. The beautiful delicacy of it disguised the great preternatural strength it held. He carried himself beautifully, and in the times when he moved slow enough for you to see him, he was a pleasure to observe.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: It’s a short chapter. And all of that chapter is just describing how beautiful vampire!George is. So… the worst of this story is the whole damn thing.
What makes this story bad good: There’s only one chapter. And the Sue hasn’t been introduced yet, so she can have a torrid vampy!!! ^^ love affair with Count George-ula.
Overall rating: Really... bad.
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NOW HE DEAD FROM SUE!!111! [Mar. 30th, 2004|10:12 am]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |girl in gold boots : the girl in gold boots movie (on MST3k)]

It’s the summer of 1967. July to be exact. The year of love, peace and casual sex.

It's also the year of Pattie Boyd bashing and Bob Dylan raping.

The Story: Pisces Fish
The Author Culprit: Nessa
Full Name (plus titles if any): “My name is Jacqueline Morrison. But, my friends and family all call me Jackie.” I will die a happier person if in the end she doesn’t turn out to be related to Jim. Seriously.
Hair Color (include adjectives): “My long blonde hair is teased quite big, it’s all the rage.”
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned, my bets are blue. No, wait, they’re probably azure, beryl, cerulean, cobalt, indigo, navy, royal, sapphire, teal, turquoise, or ultramarine
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions (if any): none

Annoying Origin: The Bealtes Sues and bad slash section of soupfiction.net.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: She’s British. She lives in London. And yet she is a reporter for the New York Times, and she has to interview the Beatles.
Annoying Special Abilities: To perceive anyone who so much as looks at George Harrison as a slut and/or bitch. Except for her, of course.
Other Annoying Traits: Existing.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

}:0Collapse )
What makes this story bad: First off, the way every female (besides Miss Jacqueline, of course) who even so much as even asks George for an autograph is portayed as a slutty bitch. Including Pattie. Then there’s the Sue itself. She’s supposed to be some cool reporter independent women and all of that, who is so totally not a fangrrl!!1!!!1 like everyone else. Then there is the fact that this is the second fic in The Beatles section to have poor Bob Dylan as the Sue’s twu wuv.

I would also like to note this 14 year old does Dhani Sues, too. Poor Beatles’ sons. I hope she doesn’t write one set in 1999 where she and Sean Lennon fall in love and Yuka is a total bitch slut whore lesbian x10!!!1!!!
Overall rating: Bad
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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2004|12:27 am]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |apatheticDARK]
[music |all day and all of the night - the kinks]

Dead!Sue, a omg depressed cutter Stu!John… god damn it.

The Story: Cut *gag*
The Author Culprit: Caitline
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jillian Lennon/John Lennon
Hair Color (include adjectives): soft and beautiful/the same color as John’s.
Eye Color (include adjectives): I assume some nice and beautiful color/the same as John’s
Unusual Markings/Colorations: n/a
Special Possessions (if any): the balls of the John clone

Annoying Origin: After John and Cynthia got divorced, he apparently married this woman Jillian, who was pregnant with his second son Ross. What? Yoko and Sean who? But alas! She died in some boating accident.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: John’s wife/John’s angsty carbon copy
Annoying Special Abilities: Jillian changed John from an “asshole” to a gentleman…
Other Annoying Traits: the John clone is in the Beatles, and looks, acts, and plays like him… he was also married to Cynthia at some point.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: ;_;Collapse )
What makes this story bad: Like I said, it’s like bad depressing poetry turned into a Beatles fanfiction. Not to mentioned John is a sissy depressed cutter boi :C
Overall rating: Bad
At least the Sue is already dead.
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(no subject) [Jan. 23rd, 2004|03:48 pm]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |emo]
[music |the kids are all right - the who]

Omg I luv teh gawth/emo/whatever headcase sues!!!!!!111!!1

The Story: The Doll
The Author Culprit: Heavy Blues
Full Name (plus titles if any): Elizabeth Frost (“Frost” is so gawth… hey that rhymes!)
Hair Color (include adjectives): “… hair shining like strawberry gold…” What the fuck?
Eye Color (include adjectives): Cerulean blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: She’s “Skeletal” and bedraggled”
Special Possessions (if any): Pills. Lots of pills to counter the effects of pills the effect of pills. Confused?

Annoying Origin: A street corner, smoking.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: Gets willingly raped by druggy rapist Paul, and then becomes his pill-popping “crazy” angsty masochist twu wuv with an eating disorder… probably
Annoying Special Abilities: “Beautiful. Young. Innocent. Pure.” Gag.
Other Annoying Traits: Liking rape. Being confusing.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:Read more...Collapse )
What makes this story bad: This story wasn’t so bad. Actually, I thought the writing style was kind of original… not like writing in the first person in Beatles Sue fics are original, but she kind of made it… uhhh… well… she combined first, second, and third person and it was kind of neat… if not fucking confusing half of the time.

What really got me about this story was the Sue herself. She’s like…. A jthmsues Sue put into the sixties.

I really can’t stand the DARK AND TORTURED SOUL SUE…. Which made this story bad. I mean, if she wasn’t so dark and troubled, maybe she’d be a good sue. *gasp*

But no… her flaw couldn’t be something realistic like being a little chubby or wearing glasses because she had to be absolutely perfect on the outside.

Her “flaw” is being a sadomasochistic pill-popping anorexic GAWTH stereotype. With dead parents.

Overall rating: could be worse...
It was, for the most part, historically accurate. It had a somewhat interesting… plot, I guess. But the Sue needs major work, and the second chapter is fucking confusing.
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... life goes on within you and without you.... [Jan. 20th, 2004|10:04 pm]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |within you, without you - the beatles]

This is not such a bad Mary sue, but it's a bad ernough fic that it needs to be put up.

The Story: It/’s All Too Much
The Author Culprit: Beatle Babe
Full Name (plus titles if any): James Paul McCartney
Hair Color (include adjectives): Brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Hazel
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Looks just like Paul
Special Possessions (if any): A baby in his tummy

Annoying Origin: The mind of a 14-year old girl
Annoying Connections To Beatles: He pretends to be Paul
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to carry a baby?
Other Annoying Traits: The ability to have a baby at lightspeed and the personality of a whiny preteen girl who got knocked up.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: Read more...Collapse )
What makes this story bad: Everything. This is like… the goatse.cx of Beatles fanfiction. Dhfdughudhsioas I think every fic read after this one will be considered cheesecake. dfkgjufiohjfo
Overall rating: The Anna Burns rating of Horribleness
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(no subject) [Jan. 17th, 2004|05:24 pm]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |indescribable]
[music |something - the beatles]

You know what, I think I’m going to follow Macca Beatles advice and write my own God damn story. IT WILL BE SO KEWLIES I WILL POST IT HERE WHEN I WRITE IT OK? ^_^

The Story: ♥I Can’t Stop Loving You♥ (yes, the hearts are in the damn title)
The Author Culprit: Ringo Starrism
Full Name (plus titles if any): Maureen Rita Lennon/Rita Smith
Hair Color (include adjectives): “the same colour hair and eyes” being that she’s John Lennon’s twin sister.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Please see above.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: I’m assuming any unusual marking and/or coloration John Lennon has, being that she is—oh yeah! His twin sister!!!
Special Possessions (if any): Her first name, Maureen, and the fact that sheet gets with Ringo. A strange coincidence, if you ask me… but then again, with twin!Sues, everything is a strange coincidence, from how they found their twin, to how they end up getting with their twin’s friend/enemy to the fact that there name just happens to be the same as the friend’s/enemy/s actual wife/girlfriend! Oh my!

Annoying Origin: She’s John Lennon’s sister… twin sister. Somehow she knows this, but he doesn’t.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: She’s John Lennon’s twin sister
Annoying Special Abilities: Being John Lennon’s twin sister, I guess, getting Ringo in the sack, having the same first name as Ringo’s wife, having a middle name which the Sue author got from a Beatle song.
Other Annoying Traits: She’s JOHN LENNON’S TWIN SISTER!!1!!

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: Read more...Collapse )
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(no subject) [Jan. 16th, 2004|03:06 am]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |accomplished]
[music |all along the watch tower - bob dylan]

You know what peeves me? Well… actually a lot of things, but one of them happens to be when authors decide to give their characters somewhat common names, but with totally out-of-whack spelling. Sometimes though, I have to wonder…. Is it them trying to be “unique” or is it just a misspelling of the name? Either case, it annoys me as much as the Sues with “exotic” names make me.

On another note, I would like to take the time to point out that there are ways to make original characters interesting and… hell, even likeable, even if they do get with one of the boys! I don’t really think that all Beatles OCs=Mary Sues. I mean… hell, I actually liked that Minnie girl from that Three Cool Cats story.

First off, I would like to point out the essay Beyond Mary Sue by Meg Kline, which does offer some helpful tips on how to avoid making an OC a Mary Sue. Hell, she (and in a very rare case, he) could even be a carbon copy of you, and with a few simple guidelines, and you could avoid a whole OH MY GOD A REBELLIOUS GUITAR PLAYING GRRL SUE/TIME TREVELLER WHO BECOMES CHUMMY w/THE BEATLES IN A MATTER OF SECONDS, and make a person who may not be only some Beatle fling, but one of those one in a million characters people put in there stories that you could actually come to…. like.

Here are two more links which may help you out in keeping your “Sue” realistic rather than futuristic.


This site includes much information on fifties slang, fads, and style. I’m putting this up since I’ve never really noticed that much of a difference between late-fifties/early-sixties junk. And this is where most Beatles fics take place. Hell, I think there’s even a section on the whole mod (late sixties, you know) style and junk in here.


Year-to-year lists of the top ten girls/boys names from 1921-1959. Chances are, your character would have been born sometime in the forties (or early fifties, for that matter), so it’s best to not have them running around with names such as Alexia or Eclipse or what have you.

And now, the Sue I shall bring you today is written by the same teenybopper culprit that wrote the last piece. Although…. Reading this one makes me actually think the last one was somewhat cute, in that “ugly dog you adopted from the pound because you felt bad for it” sort of way.

But it only seemed “cute” once I read this story. I mean, bubbly fangirl comes into the past and gets chummy with the pre-Beatles, I can stand. This abomination dkgfklhfdghkghd

Still though, it could be worse. Speaking of worse, I’ll save that story for a special occasion. It’s not as much Mary Sue as it is “Oh God! My eyes!”

The Story: A Taste of Arsenic Honey
The Author Culprit: Everyone’s favorite teeny-bopper, Macca Beatles
Full Name (plus titles if any): Adora Williams (wait, she must be the sister of Andrea Williams, or, if my years are right, she could be her older version, with just a different name)
Hair Color (include adjectives): “…wavy black hair down to my shoulders…”
Eye Color (include adjectives): N/A
Unusual Markings/Colorations: looong legs that go “for miles and miles”, I think it said.
Special Possessions (if any): An answering machine in 1966, and *squick* Bob Dylan’s baby.

Annoying Origin: From America, they moved to London a few years ago, but have only lived there for a few months. Confused? I know I am.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: She becomes their secretary, and eventually gets with Paul… oh AND SHE IS HAVING BOB DYLAN’S BABY.
Annoying Special Abilities: Breathing.
Other Annoying Traits: Existing.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: This whole story… well, almost the whole story, could be the worse, but I will just but some of the tragic parts in. Shakespeare, watch out, Macca Beatle is the new face in writing tragedies… or whatever. OweeeoweeeeeeCollapse )
What makes this story bad: Everything. The icing on the cake was her reply to my comment:

Author's Response: weill i dont care what you say about my story, its MY story, i do what i want. other people DO infact like my stories. Im sorry if you dont. there are other stories to read besides mine. and i DO know the fashions i the sixties, i looked this up. but this is FICTION!!!! i dont claim to be a fantastic writer, im sorry you dont like, move along. find other stories if you dont like it. yes i use microsoft word, and i know the spell check and i do use it when i have time. I have FUN writing my stories the way i do, if you dont like it...write your own. i dont want my character to forget her memory, it would be no fun. AND I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN HAMBURG I HAVE A BOOK!!! you dont know if he were allowed to or not, he prolly wasnt but for the sake of my story i had him buy beer. have a cow, my story isnt correct, not everybody's story is, if you dont like it, DONT READ IT!

What the frijoles is up with people responding to that? OMG IT’S MY HOT BODY STORY I’LL DO WHAT I WANT!1!111 ^___^
Overall rating: OW$yui35jer0th2T!!!!!!
Well, on the bright side, she appears to type more coherantly.
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(no subject) [Jan. 14th, 2004|07:52 pm]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |apatheticapathetic]

Beatle Sues oft have their own set of stereotypes. Often, they come in two or more, and even if they’re American, they will use British slang. Exactly what are these authors thinking? That everyone used British slang in the sixties? I would gladly settle for a Sue that repeated the words “Far out or “Out of sight” over one from California that constantly shouts out the word “bloody”.

Another one of my most favorite Beatle Sue stereotypes is the whole “Beatles fan from now goes back in time and falls in love with one/all of the Beatles”. I have sadly read more of these in my time than the ones involving swinging chicks from the sixties bagging the boys.

The Story: Brand New Key
The Author Culprit: Macca Beatle
Full Name (plus titles if any): Andrea Williams
Hair Color (include adjectives): “…brown hair with 'natural' bloonde highlights.”
Eye Color (include adjectives): N/A
Beatle Sue stereotype: Grrl/Time Traveling Sue.
Special Possessions (if any): Knowledge of the Future, two boxes full of her CDs and CD player (of course), and “futuristic” clothes.

Annoying Connections To Beatles: In less than a day she becomes chummy with John, Paul, George, and Ken. In less than five minutes she becomes friends with Cynthia and Jean
Annoying Special Abilities: She can play guitar (of course), she looks old for her age, and all of the Beatles seem to love her!
Other Annoying Traits: All of her money that she had from the future automatically gets converted into “british currency”, and over time, her voice starts changing from a Kentucky accent to an English accent.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: whooshCollapse )
What makes this story bad: Not only is the concept so painfully unoriginal, but it’s written like crap. WHEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE TALK YOU START A NEW PARAGRAPH OR WHATEVER, AND WOULD IT HURT TO ACTUALLY SPEAK COHERANT-LIKE?
Overall rating: Really... bad.
Maybe it would have gotten a bad.... if it hadn't dissed Yoko.
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(no subject) [Jan. 14th, 2004|12:18 am]
The Beatles' Sues
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |lovely rita - the beatles]

“After a humiliating public experience, three very different girls lay out the bet, to prove their daring side. The plan: be the first one to sleep with a Beatle. While on the other foot, the boys start their own bet: who will last the longest, abstaining from sex! Who will win this tricky dare? Will it be the kooky, ditzy blonde, Kiki? The soft-spoken, sweet brunette, Roxy? Or the sultry, heart-breaking redhead, Claudia? And which one of the lads will cave in first? Find out! Read ‘Three Cool Cats’...”


The Story: Three Cool Cats
The Author Culprit: SabrinaLu

And now, for your reading pleasure, I shall do separate Name/Hair/Eyes/Markings/Possesions forms for each of the three Sues!!

Full Name (plus titles if any): Claudia Deneuve *squick*
Hair Color (include adjectives): “…volumous mass of fire-red hair…”
Eye Color (include adjectives): not mentioned… maybe it was in the ten missing chapters, I don’t know.
Which Beatle she gets : John
Short Bio: She’s smart, she’s sexy, she’s oh-so-sassy. She’s Claudia Denevue, breaker of hearts. With the name of a cheap romance novel heroine and the looks of Ginger Spice. (See here, under “Claudia”). She’s one of those snobby bitchy tramp sues, which I’m sure everyone loves. :) - I like emoticons.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Roxy (gfjhjgkjghjdghfjkhgs *squick*)
Hair Color (include adjectives): “…thick, jet-black hair…”
Eye Color (include adjectives): And again, not mentioned in Chapter 1 OR Chapter 12, which seem to be the only two chapters up, maybe it’s mentioned in the missing 10 chapters!
Which Beatle she gets : George
Short Bio: She’s the cute ditz of the group, and since she’s been mentioned the least, I probably like her the best. I’m sure she gets squicky and just as irritating as the other two in the infamous missing ten chapters.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Kiki Welsch
Hair Color (include adjectives): “Her head was crowned with a pale blonde bob…”
Eye Color (include adjectives): “…lashes that fluttered with three pairs of thick false lashes…” and “…eyes so large and twinkling blue…”
Unusual Markings/Colorations: “…lips the color of foamy pink bubbles…” is it just me, or does that not sound all that attractive? It almost sounds like she’s… rabid.
Short Bio: She’s the go-go dancer at Whiskey A-Go-Go. If I had any idea exactly which year this story takes place, I’d argue that go-go dancers weren’t around until 1966, but I won’t…. even though I assume this takes place 1964-1965. ,
But, any way… I’m assuming if, by some miraculous way, Goldie Hawn and Twiggy had a baby, this would be it.
She’s pretty, she’s perky, she’s “innocent”, in that Britney Spears sort of way. Spork please.

Annoying Origin: The Whiskey A-Go-Go in Sunny Southern California.
Annoying Connections To Beatles: I’m assuming they all eventually sleep with them (except for Ringo…. Ha ha)

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: OMG!!1!!Collapse )

What makes this story bad: The fact there are TEN CHAPTERS IN THE MIDDLE missing annoyed me. Kiki in herself, is part of what makes this story bad. Bitchy!Sue Claudia irritates the hell out of me. The fact that I have no idea when this story takes place annoys me too. This whole story pisses me off and frankly, wants to make be throw rocks at people.
Overall rating: The special rating for stories so bad it gets the "Anna Burns" rating.

Edit: I have changed her rating, after reading her site, her journal and all of the communities she's in. I have concluded that, aside from appearance, Claudia is her.
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